Far away...

Being young they say, is the best time to have fun. Lately, now that I'm Far Away and I'm having fun, I'm starting to think that being young is the best time to load your head with knowledge, facts, ideas, ideals and other 'solid' things. From building up to that point you can live the rest of your life with foundations, easy. Many of us have been told all these things among other things in our childhood or through experience, previous experience. I just think that I'm wasting my time here, in this place.

I feel as if I should be exercising my brain rather than destroying it, like I am at the moment. Alcohol has become my enemy and so has people. Don't get me wrong, I love people, but I'm a carer and I care, which now a days is a disadvantage. I dont even know what Im saying but Im made of rubber, not steel. I don't want to be tough and heartless, do you?

Today selling Socialist news papers ofr seemingly no reason, I saw it so clearly that it was painful. Everyone is scared. The minority looked happy and everyone looked as if they were in the search of something or other. Then talking to two policemen (who were acting like elements of the public forces but were soft inside their uniform), it occurred to me that, everyone is searching for their lost humanity. Their tenderness, their right to be soft even. Completely ignorant of being in this search, people keep searching. No one allows their true thoughts to come up and show and shine.

I know it. The world is changing.

alize

Back to the Lab

Back to the lab, not as in I am back to my old settings but as, back to the lab of my head. Even though at the same time, I am in new surroundings. I just started British University student life. Basically, I live in a room in some student flats in South London, there are 3 or 4 locks between my room and the outside world. Locks are confusing when you come back from the several nights of intoxicating your brain, which in this new place, are often.

~Back in the lab of my brain, my head, my mind, my soul even. I am alone but not lonely and I feel lucky. The other people who inhabit my flat are all seemingly understanding so far. Sensitve even. Its strange, a new life, new people, new colours. Its a new world for me, and Im feeling. All In South America, where I grew up, everything was undone and hard, in England, everything is delivered to you if you can be bothered to actually do it. I am bothered, I will spread the word, the world is out there for us all to go and grab it. There must be something for everyone out there. We are all equal, what is the difference between you and me?

I feel so dead and so alive every 5 minutes, I want to be surrounded by people, I want to be all alone. Its everything. Its myself which is changing too. In this dangerously explosive lab.

Student life consists in trying hard to sell yourself, but its all about only choosing the people you want to surround yourself with. I feel safe in this environment. I like it. At the same time, I want to drop it all and live on the streets. I need to record it all. I will try to.

see you when Im sober

x

Alize